Post by afleetcommand on Mar 25, 2007 17:20:36 GMT -5
Saw this over at another board (thoroughbrednet.us) posted by screen name "Princess Doreen" one of her many humorous postings...
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?!~
WHAT MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME
1. My parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
2. My parents taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My parents taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
6. My parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."
7. My parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about being a CONTORTIONIST.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went
through it."
12. My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"
13. My parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out."
14. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My parents taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
going to freeze that way."
19. My parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; I know when
you're are cold."
20. My parents taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't
come running to me."
21. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never
grow up."
22. My parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My parents taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were
born in a barn?"
24. My parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out
just like you
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?!~
WHAT MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME
1. My parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
2. My parents taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My parents taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
6. My parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."
7. My parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about being a CONTORTIONIST.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went
through it."
12. My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"
13. My parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out."
14. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My parents taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
going to freeze that way."
19. My parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; I know when
you're are cold."
20. My parents taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't
come running to me."
21. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never
grow up."
22. My parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My parents taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were
born in a barn?"
24. My parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out
just like you
