Post by Admin on Jan 4, 2008 14:23:55 GMT -5
This Year's 2007-2008 Darwinian Awards
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin
Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed? )
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
the lady I stole the purse from. "
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. The police spokesman said the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin
Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed? )
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
the lady I stole the purse from. "
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. The police spokesman said the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
