OT - unloading ~ sorry

[figi]

Sorry this is long and a bunch of random thoughts. Any advice is great. I know am feeling a little sorry for myself. Anyway here it is.

I feel like a friend of mine is not being the friend she could be. Her horse came to live with me in October free of charge. She was to buy her hay and grain. I told her to just use the hay I had already bought and when that ran out she could buy a ton or two until the spring grass came up. Her horse lost a lot of weight due to work and growth. We fed her more hay and grain and of course she gained but it was slow. Her one horse was eating the same if not more then my two. She bought her first ton and then got a half a ton from her mom. She suggested that once that half ton was gone we could buy hay together. I told her that I had bought more then enough hay for my horses to make it through spring with a little left and that I was not buying any more hay. I have been making mashes for the horses and bringing in three buckets to soak with hot water so over the winter they could have something warm. She wanted to up the mash for her horse and put it in a five gallon bucket and could not see why I would not take it up to the house twice a day to soak it in hot water. I had a hard enough time with the three small buckets I was packing up to the house. I have also asked her to help pick up poop out of the paddocks she has picked it out of the lean to but I picked the paddocks. Of course when she showed up at the end of me cleaning her paddock she said nothing! No thank you, no I was going to do this NOTHING. The other part of the free stall was she was to watch my kids from 8-1 on Monday so I could work a third day. Last month she decided to work a second job and would no longer be able to watch the kids and hoped it would not affect us. Of course it affects us. This last week her horse has been at the barn and it has been nice. I also want to get a new horse to trail ride on and she is very much against this because she feels like her horse will loose a home. Never mind that I feel I need this to make myself feel better as a rider. It is always about her and she tries to make it about the other person. When things go wrong in her life it is always someone taking advantage of her and that she is such a good person and is not at fault.

We have been friends for over 20 years and I do love her but I am so unhappy with things right now and I just cant talk to her about it because it will not be her fault. She will tell me how crazy her life is and how she just need to get a routine down and how bad things always happen to her.

I’m sorry for all the random thoughts I just need to get it off my chest. I have been so weighed down by all this. I just cant do it anymore.

[beejoyfulmk]

Can you send her a note, or e-m just to get all the info out there?

[beejoyfulmk]

let her know you believe she can find a great new place to board and that your looking forward to going on a trail ride from the new boarding barn.

[figi]

She is going to come out tonight to get some hay and I'm trying to get my thoughts in order and down on paper. She has a place just down the street at her moms the horse can go to and I can still pick her up to haul her out to ride. (i'm the one with the truck and trailer)

[quatzie]

It's very hard having a business relationship and friend at the same time. I have gone down that road before and it's a pain-in-the-neck. I would give her 30 days to find another barn for her horse. Be nice but firm that you need the stall for your new horse. Maybe she will return some of your favors at a later time, but walk away before you lose your friend or your "mind"

You already know what you want to do.. just getting the courage to do it is difficult

[figi]

May 20, 2008 16:49:59 GMT -5 @quatzie said:

It's very hard having a business relationship and friend at the same time. I have gone down that road before and it's a pain-in-the-neck. I would give her 30 days to find another barn for her horse. Be nice but firm that you need the stall for your new horse. Maybe she will return some of your favors at a later time, but walk away before you lose your friend or your "mind"

You already know what you want to do.. just getting the courage to do it is difficult

You are right. This is the second time I have done this. You think I would learn! My last friend stayed for four years before I had to ask her to leave. I just hate confrontation with anyone.

[countrygirl]

I have learned from personal experience that it is much easier for someone to misunderstand a written note, than a face to face conversation. I would put your thoughts on paper, but tell her yourself instead of give her a note. People tend to read things into our "written word" that we never intended to say. Good Luck. I hate it when situations like that happen.

[earlybp]

She's taking advantage of you. You made a deal with her, and part of making a deal with someone is keeping your half of the deal. She's not doing that, so it's time for her to go.
If she was really a friend, you wouldn't have to ask her to pick out the pasture, because she'd do it, end of story. I agree with country girl. You need to tell her straight out.